He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
