Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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