Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
