Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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