I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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