You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize