P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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