Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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