The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
