Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
