You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
