If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We were destined to go to rehab together
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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