Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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