Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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