my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
