Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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