WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
