you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
