i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
