Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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