I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
