There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
we're so committed to being not committed
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
