dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
