did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
All the doctor said was why
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
