it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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