It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize