I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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