what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
