I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
