Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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