ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
