We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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