Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Me. At least after what I've been through.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
