He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
