i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
