it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
