I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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