it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
