2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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