Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
farters have to be the big spoon...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
