dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
