That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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