Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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