I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize