I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
