oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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