I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
