and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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