thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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