The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My first STD was from a foam party
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
