last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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