I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
