i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
