she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
