I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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