When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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