Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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