If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
