Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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