??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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