She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
