i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
