so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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