She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
