you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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