Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.

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(912): View more from Georgia

you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water

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(503): View more from Oregon

The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man

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(816): View more from Missouri

This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"

(573): View more from Missouri

Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?

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(251): View more from Alabama

What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.

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