at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize