Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize