Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i think im in europe. pls send help
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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