thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
