Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
