I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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