Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize