im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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