We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
