i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize