you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
