dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
