I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
