I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
