turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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