no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We need a shit load of segways right now
Randomize
