and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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