The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
