I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
