haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
