how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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