you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
