Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
