Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
