I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
