Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
