worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
