don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
