Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
