Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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