you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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