If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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