You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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