He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
