Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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