Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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