guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
