and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize