and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
