can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
