Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We got so high we made milksteak
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
