i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
