Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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