their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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