About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
