youre lurking in front of me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
