I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
