Porn is love you can see.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
