Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
