I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
